her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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