Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hippo gnu deer
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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