then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is Oprah even human
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
