My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize