Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
