I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
