just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
