I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
