he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
