We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How naked do you want me to be?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
