I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
