Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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