After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
