Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
