even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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