Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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