Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
