I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's a naked man in my car right now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
