Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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