oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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