that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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