we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
