We won't sleep together?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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