I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
