Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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