Apparently you make a good broom.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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