She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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