you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize