She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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