I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
