im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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