the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize