So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
