Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
