I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
