remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
