You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Farmville is her only friend.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
