youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize