Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
