Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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