Non-Jews are for practice
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
