Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
