So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
