you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
