your parents love me but you hate me
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize