i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
