what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
