AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I want a musical about memes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
