Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
