We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
