If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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