just come out here and I will go home with you...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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