why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
