Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
