Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My vagina just recognized that song.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
