Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
