glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i came on her dog
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
