it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
