My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
