suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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