The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
