When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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