come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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