Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
