I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
