The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dick very happy bro
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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