Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My vagina is officially offended.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
