just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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