PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
