Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize