I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
