what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
