This is not my ceiling
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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